i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
