Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
