your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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