I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize