Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
