I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
