So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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