god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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