if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
