brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
