i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
