his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
