I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
