i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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