I hate all girls vehemently.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
