too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
