If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
