He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
