girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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