forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize