I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
