Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
