Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
