yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
