dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
