farters have to be the big spoon...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
