Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
