I smell stomach acid.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
