You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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