Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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