I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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