They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
