How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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