i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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