The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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