You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
