Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize