You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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