ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Sober January is a disaster.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
