the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I could fuck to npr.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
