Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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