dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
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I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The power of my boobs compel you
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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