Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
