yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
