Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
