Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
