jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
