Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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