Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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