The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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