You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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