so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
