please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
