Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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