you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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