we have officially lost it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
