The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
